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REAL LIFE: FAMILY

By Moira Traci and Phaendra Thomas

"My sister is so annoying! She is driving me crazy!"

Jenny and her sister Sarah fight all the time. Jenny is angry with Sarah because she barges into her room and takes her things without asking. Sarah complains that Jenny yells too much and spends all of her time on the phone.

Your brothers and sisters can upset you sometimes. You may get angry if they take something that is yours, go into your room, hit you, or bother you when you have friends over. Your older brothers or sisters may try to boss you around and tell you what to do. Your younger brothers or sisters may borrow your things or want to be around you all the time.

When you argue with your friends, you can go home and get away from them. But, when you argue with a brother or sister, they are in your house and you may feel like you can't get away from them. Talking things out and coming up with rules that you and your brothers and sisters agree on will make living together a lot easier.

Here are some ways to handle an argument and help you to avoid fighting with your brother(s) or sister(s):

Go for a walk or go to separate rooms in the house, before you lose your temper in an argument.
Talk to your parents about what is bothering you. Most likely they will be able to give you advice.
Set up your own personal space. Even if you share a bedroom, make a little space (even in a corner of your bedroom) that is all yours. Tell your brother or sister that they need to knock before coming into your bedroom or your special area of a shared bedroom.
Respect your brother or sister's personal space too - whether it is their room or a part of your shared bedroom. They will be more likely to show you the same respect in return.
Decide ahead of time how you are going to share the phone. For example, you can figure out separate times when each of you can talk to your friends.
Take turns with the television. Talk ahead of time about what shows you want to watch, then take turns watching your favorite shows if they are on at the same time.
Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if the problem is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.

Now that you have some ideas on how to avoid fighting, you may want to think about how to work on building a healthy relationship with your brother or sister. Talking about the things that are bothering you in a calm way really helps. Doing things together, like going on a bike-ride or watching a movie will give you a chance to talk to each other and enjoy the time that you spend together too.

Remember that healthy relationships are about feeling good about who YOU are and feeling SAFE with another person. You have the power to create healthy relationships all around you just by paying attention to who you are inside and what makes you happy. By getting to know yourself, it will get easier to recognize the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Communication, trust and respect are the key ingredients for healthy relationships.