Out of the Blue: Talking to a Girl for the First Time
By Jon Choate and Mike Audant
I had a conversation recently with a friend of mine named Mike, a senior at my school. He was feeling very wise and experienced as all seniors do in these last few weeks of school, that is if they’re not freaking out over the big transition to come, he decided to impart some of his wisdom on me. This wisdom had to deal with meeting girls out of blue, whether it be a party, at the beach, at a concert or anywhere, girls who you had never spoken to before.
Now this was a new concept for me, going up to a girl I don’t know and asking her for her number just hasn’t been a course of action that I’ve frequented in the past. I could see however, how having some general guidelines for doing it could be very handy. So, from me to you, here is my retelling of Mike’s wisdom. Some of this you might know, good for you, if it’s new, the more power to you.
The biggest step in approaching a girl you don’t know is getting a conversation started. Pick-up lines are a no-no, as you’ll probably have surmised. Mike suggested, and this has been verified in my own experience, talking about something you see she has an interest in. It could be a certain song that she’s listening to at the record store or an event, hopefully humorous and thus easy to talk about that has affected both of you somehow. It helps greatly if you have some knowledge about what the subject, because if you don’t the conversation will die all too quickly. It’s got to grow to the point where it seems comfortable, acceptable, for you to tell her your name, have her tell you her’s, etc. If you’ve gotten this far and she seems friendly and open, congratulations, if not, don’t worry about, try again with someone else.
At this point, if it feels appropriate, start asking questions about her, which school she goes to and other personal but not too personal information. If she’s interested in you, or if she’s just being polite she’ll probably reciprocate in kind, answer honestly, if she’s interested and you get to know her better it’ll be harder to lie about yourself, stick to the truth. One important thing to remember when answering questions, or in general conversation is to watch out for the self-effacement; that is, don’t diss yourself too much. You can only hurt her impression of you by doing this, most of the time it won’t lead her to think you’re modest. On the other hand don’t be a braggart, be truthful and confident about the truth. Confidence when dealing with anyone is always important, girls especially.
Now you’ve reached the end, there’s nothing left to do but pose a question which will probably lead her to the conclusion that you have romantic interest in her. This question is entirely up to personal preference but usually it’s about seeing her again, or talking to her again, and no, this does not include “I’ll see you around.” Besides for the initial contact, this is probably the hardest part as you’re almost but not quite asking her out. The thing to remember is that if you don’t ask her, and you don’t see her again, you’ll have no chance. If you ask her, there is a chance. If she says no, or another form of dismissal, accept it. You did your best and there will always be others. There’s no need to be embarrassed, she doesn’t know you and probably doesn’t know anyone you know. If she says yes, well then you took a risk and it paid off. Congratulations, you’ve conquered fear, entered the realm of the unknown and emerged somewhat victorious, not to mention possibly starting a relationship with a great girl too, and that’s always good.
Getting to know a girl who’s a complete stranger may seem like a daunting task, but you’ll find that if you try a few times, fail a few times, and are successful once, all the work will be worth it.
About the Author:
What to say? I'm a sophomore in high-school who loves to write fiction, non-fiction, drama, and especially poetry. I'm a captain of my school's JV basketball team, (although snails with crippling birth-defects could outjump me.) I'm an actor, actively involved in the theatre at my school. I play violin in the Youth Symphony on Honolulu. I party on the weekends. I am your stereotypical, shooting for success, overworked, stressed, exhausted teen, and I'm loving every minute of it.
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