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REAL LIFE: DATING

By Moira Traci and Phaedra Thomas

"A boy that I like kissed me at the dance... Are we dating now?"

Anna and Jamal like each other. They met a few weeks ago at a dance. They want to get to know each other but don't know what to do next.

There is no best age for teens to begin dating. Every person will be ready for a dating relationship at a different time. Different families may have certain rules about dating too. When you decide to start a new dating relationship, it should be because you care about someone and not because you feel like you have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. A dating relationship is a special chance to get to know someone, share your thoughts and feelings with each other, and do activities together.

Healthy dating relationships should start with the same ingredients that healthy friendships have, such as good communication, honesty, and respect. Dating relationships are a little different because they may include physical affection, like hugging, kissing, or holding hands. As with all relationships, it may be tempting at first for you to spend all of your time with your new partner. But, making special time to spend together and apart means that you will be able to work on having a healthy relationship with the person you are dating and with other people in your life, like your friends and family.

You should NEVER feel pressured to do something that you don't want to do. He/She should always respect your right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is important that you are both clear with each other about your values and your limits. By talking about how each of you feel about a lot of things, you may avoid getting into situations where you are pressured into making a decision on the spot about something very important.

Here are some tips for starting a healthy dating relationship and ways to stay safe:

Get to know a person by talking on the phone or at school before you go out with them for the first time.
Go out with a group of friends to a public place the first few times you are spending time together.
Plan fun activities like going to the movies, a picnic, the mall, a walk, etc.
Be clear with the other person about what you feel comfortable doing and what time your parent(s) or guardian(s) expect you to be home.
Tell at least one friend and especially your parent(s) where you are going, who you will be with, and how to reach you.

Dating relationships can be a fun and exciting part of your life now. They may be a little confusing, especially if dating is new to you. Once you know that the person that you like, likes you too, you may be unsure of what to do next. You can start by learning about what makes a dating relationship healthy. The most important thing to remember is staying safe, especially when you begin to date.

Remember that healthy relationships are about feeling good about who YOU are and feeling SAFE with another person. You have the power to create healthy relationships all around you just by paying attention to who you are inside and what makes you happy. By getting to know yourself, it will get easier to recognize the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Communication, trust and respect are the key ingredients for healthy relationships.