Falling in Love
By Melinda Tognini
I recently found the diary I wrote when I was fifteen. How embarrassing! It was filled with details of which boy I liked, whether I thought he’d shown any interest in me, and how he treated me. It told of who I’d kissed, and who’d rejected me or hurt me. One particular boy kept getting a mention, usually about how he’d come on to me (again), how I’d fallen for him (again), and how he subsequently hurt me. I’d swear I wouldn’t fall into his trap again, but later in the diary there I was doing and writing the same things over.
I can’t believe I was so obsessed with boys. I’m sure one of the reasons for wanting a boyfriend so much was that it felt great. For the period of time when the relationship blossomed, I felt loved and accepted. But it inevitably failed, even when the guy was decent and wasn’t setting out to use me.
Back then, I didn’t have the confidence to truly be myself, or even offer my honest opinions. I always tried to be what I believed the guy wanted me to be. Maybe that was part of the initial attraction from their side; I was who they thought they wanted. Or maybe they caught a glimpse of who I really was before I started trying to impress them. Once the relationship developed, however, I became insecure and insipid, always trying to agree with them rather than being myself. What they wanted was the real me, but I was too scared to let them see it.
In contrast, my nineteen-year-old cousin has recently begun her first relationship. And, believe me, she is no wallflower! She is attractive, effervescent, intelligent without being a nerd and talented - at everything! I am certain she could have had many boyfriends in high school, but she didn’t believe she needed to just for the sake of it.
I think the difference between us has something to do with confidence, and how we feel about ourselves. While I lacked confidence, and doubted my self-worth, my cousin was sure of hers. I tried to build my self-confidence by getting a boy to like me, while my cousin knew she didn’t need a boyfriend to know she was worthwhile. She could enjoy life without one. And, because of that, she never settled for mediocre. Instead, she waited for the best. In the meantime, she got involved with life!
Having a boyfriend, or girlfriend, simply to make ourselves feel loved and accepted doesn’t work and doesn’t solve our problems. In the end, it fails because we’re not happy with ourselves.
So, rather than falling in love with any boy or girl who comes along, learn to like who you are. Not in a stuck-up “I’m too good for everyone else” way, but in an honest, practical appraisal of your uniqueness and the special qualities that make you you. If you lack confidence and self-worth as much I did, you may need to ask someone to help you with this. But, it’s worth it. I wish I’d discovered this a long time before I did. Don’t wait until you’re grown up and your life half over before you discover how worthwhile you really are. Do something about it today.
You could start by remembering these words from a poem by Russell Kelfer:
“You are who you are for a reason…you’re a precious and perfect unique design.”
Don’t you forget it.
About the Author:
My name is Melinda Tognini and I live in Perth, Western Australia with my husband and three year old son.
I have been writing since I was a small child and am currently the Youth Officer at the Peter Cowan Writers Centre, which thrives in the northern suburbs of Perth. I write mainly for young adults, but have also written short stories, book reviews and travel articles.
I am a trained English teacher, and have just returned to teaching after two years maternity leave. I have more than ten years experience working with young people, and apart from teaching, I have also run youth groups and camps. This has included preparing devotions and talks, and leading discussion groups for teenagers.
Many of my articles were originally written to encourage and inspire teenagers, but my hope is that they will motivate people of all ages.
Article courtesy of www.suite101.com.
